Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
