There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
