U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
