Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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