i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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