I seem to have left my pride at pride
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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