so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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