all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
