just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
