Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
