alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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