in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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