Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
