Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
