So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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