I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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