One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
