Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
