It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
not ubering you a puppy
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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