Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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