I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
