just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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