Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
