i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
