Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
