Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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