sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
