so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
