My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
