I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
