Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
