There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
