I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
