Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
