just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
