woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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