So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
