I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
