I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
