I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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