I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
