you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
