You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
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