marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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