She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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