I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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