I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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