I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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