oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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