Please, let me fuck your mom
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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