Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
