I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
