someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
